It's a love story

We are truly sorry for the delay but we were caught up in some... ummm ... *cough*romantic*cough* business. Like everyone potatoes also fall in love. Lucky for us we have found our true love, our soul mate, or whatever you humans call them. 

Our story begins like this.....

A couple hundred years ago a potato rolled up around the farmland. He came upon a garden. There he saw the most beautiful food he ever saw. A tomato. They instantly fell in love. However they weren't allowed to be together because the potato belonged to the vegetable colony and the tomato was part of the fruit kingdom. It was forbidden for the two to be in love or even know each other (kind of like Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare). 

The potato kept meeting up with the tomato. Than one day when the potato went to visit the tomato he discovered that she was gone. Heartbroken, the potato went to the part of the vegetable colony that was to be harvested to commit suicide. 

A few days later at McDonalds a human came and ordered fries. The fries were the potato. He had undergone torture and surgery. He was going to end his life today. The human took his fries and went to another counter, there he covered his fries with ketchup. Now ketchup was the tomato that was forced into surgery and tortured for trying to rebel against the human and factory. 

Once squirted onto the fries, they rediscovered themselves and spent the last few seconds of their lives happily together. They only had until the human ate them. 

A carrot saw this happen and hated the potato for taking his love away from him. So he cursed the potato to forever only love the tomato. The potatoes are cursed to always fall in love with a tomato. 

                                         THE END.

Cloudy With A Chance of Poil

If you are here in Potatoworld please expect the rest of the week to be fairly cloudy and please prepare your under underground shelter because you can surely expect some poil (potato hail). We all know that when the weather has mood swings and is continually changing from a sunny morning to a stormy afternoon, many potatoes go insane. Potatoes going insane is a bad, bad thing (despite the fact that it's really funny) because potatoes sometimes get a weird urge to launch themselves up to outer space and they stay there for a few hours until they all come charging back down, causing a poil. This means that random potatoes will be attacked and injured, so we suggest that all you potatoes go to your under underground shelters for the rest of the week when the weather is still strange so that you will stay safe and so that you will not be needing a burial (which isn't like a human burial, just in case you other creatures who read this don't know) any time soon.We potatoes prefer consistent weather that is not out of pattern so any slight changes will cause poil, so we apologize because it is quite hard to control ourselves- the only way to kind of contain ourselves from causing poil is by going to under underground shelters so that we will not really be affected by the weather but since we don't have a way of finding out the future weather (unless we are one of the higher classed potatoes who can do things like check the internet like you are now or unless we were born gifted and are psychic) it is hard to prepare and avoid going insane.

Also expect cooler winds going at the speed of 40km/h and occasional flower petal showers.

...and that concludes our weather report! Stay tuned for more details!

THE question

Gimme a P! P!
Gimme an O! O!
Gimme a T! T!
Gimme an A! A!
Gimme a T! T!
Gimme an O! O!
What does that spell?
POTATO!!! Woooooh!!

Well that was exciting. How are you our fellow potatoes and humans or whatever you may be? We are doing great.

Today as a was sitting on my bed, staring at my wall, a question came to me and made me think. This question was:
If a potato's skin is peeped, does that mean it's naked?

The answer to that question is no. Think about it. If you shave off the skin you get the inside of the potato. It's kind of like if humans (we aren't fully human so this doesn't really apply to us) were to skin themselves they would get their insides showing. Potatoes enjoy walking around with no clothes. Don't worry we prefer to wear clothes!

Please don't feel awkward around potatoes now that you know this. Keep treating them the same as you did before. Hopefully this didn't make it too awkward for you.

Achoo!

Don't you just hate it when you get sick? Why am I even asking you this? Of course you do! It's one of the worst feelings in the world! Having to do nothing but rest and eat all the same foods that are apparently supposed to help cure you is just tiresome! But, if you think about it, being sick with the flu or having a sore throat as a human is a whole lot better than being a sick potato. 

Why? Well, about 99% of the time potatoes get sick they end up rotting (a form of potato death). Bugs and worms, and events like droughts, floods,  and human beings who like to play "hot potato" are very common reasons for the death of a potato. A rare reason for potato death is because other vegetables sabotaged their growth when they were still a little, helpless baby. Even carrots wouldn't take it that far! But, when potatoes are affected by these, you can usually tell that the potato is just on the first stage of death when the potato is softer and mushier than usual. After a couple of days the potato will worsen and turn different colours, first green, then brown, then finally, black. Once the potato is black you know that it is no good to eat and will soon decompose (but even at this time the potato is useful because it can be used as a great fertilizer). But of course, many potatoes do survive these happenings because we potatoes are strong fighters! There are also some potatoes who survive because of special chemicals that humans use on them, but this is quite rare for most humans just let them die off. As you can see, it's a good thing we're half humans-half potatoes because we experience the same effects of bacterias and viruses like human beings!

 Until next time! Take care of yourselves so that you wont be ill! 

Start the superman theme song

Guys, we can't keep this a secret from you anymore. What we are about to tell you is huge. Brace yourselves. Okay ready? *deep breathe* Potatoes are really superheroes. *Plugs ears* You may scream now. Oh you're not going to. Okay. *removes hands* We will tell you the whole story too.
So a long time ago, when the first potato was born, around the dinosaur age. It lived happily and peacefully. One day a meteor hit the Earth! The radiation from that flaming rock hit the potato, changing it's DNA. Now the potato has powers. Here's just a few...
THE POWER TO CHANGE:
You can cut, mash, skin, boil, etc and the potato will adapt to these factors. You can't kill them so they help you.
THE POWER TO FIGHT HUNGER:
This is probably their best power. This power comes in 2 steps. First the potato will change and once it enters your stomach it changes back into a whole potato, with a cape and everything. It fights off its villain HUNGRY HIPPO and makes you feel full. Pretty cool if you ask me.
POWER OF CAMOUFLAGE:
When it comes to hiding from evil and enforcing surprise attacks, potatoes are the most skilled. They easily blend in with their surroundings and always succeed with their attacks. Their brown colour helps hide them in the dirt, boxes and dark places. (There might be a potato watching you now and you wouldn't know).
THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY:
If you ever have no power, don't get scared just use a potato. If you stick the plug into a potato it will provide power to whatever device you are using. This is the potatoes weakest power because when they over use this power they end up cooking themselves and go through a forced change which they can't undo.
POTATOES HAVE SUPER STRENGTH:
Trapped in a room? No problem. A potato will help you. Take the potato and either:
A) Throw it at a window and the window will burst
B) Throw it at your captors. They will fall unconscious.
C) Throw it at the door/wall the break them so you can escape.
However before throwing make sure the potato is fully rested and fed. They don't work well when tired and hungry. Also they won't work well under pressure. So be careful.
Those are some of the many powers of a potato. I suggest you be careful. Potatoes are very sneaky and they could be pulling an Edward Cullen and watching you sleep. (In case you don't know what pulling an Edward Cullen is, it's when you are a sparkly being and you creep into people's houses and watch them sleep. Potatoes do this but they don't sparkle unless they apply the body mist.)
We are sorry we couldn't keep our mouths shut. We tried, we really did. But we couldn't keep it in any longer. Don't treat the potatoes any differently or else they'll know we told you. We weren't suppose to tell anyone. If you get in trouble with the potatoes we are so sorry.

we're actually carrots in disguise we're sorry

Haha we're just kidding.
We would never ever be carrots. 
We hope that does not arouse any suspicion about our identity.
We just decided that in honour of almost April Fool's Day it's time for a pathetic joke :D 

SOOOOO ANYWAYS...we don' t know about you but  we're very busy (YAY FOR NOT BEING A COUCH POTATO) getting ready for Easter! We celebrate this every year and it is a very special event for many of us potatoes, of course not all of us celebrate this event, although the majority of those in our little community do. Time flies by so fast(like potatoes on a jetpack) when so many preparations have to be made! It can get quite frustrating but we try to keep as calm as we can after all the last super duper frustrated potato turned into a half cabbage half horse being (don't worry we'll tell you about that when you're ready to face it). On the bright side, planning for Easter wasn't made difficult by the carrots since we haven't heard from them yet, our guess is that they've either been also getting ready for Easter or they've been working very hard on a plan to destroy us potatoes... hopefully it's because of our first suspicion. Anyway, we're quite exhausted from today's work so we'll converse (you know you love that fancy word) with you again soon (we know you just can't stay away from us for too long ;) ) ! Happy Easter! We hope you spend lots of time with your loved ones (remember they're the only people who will still tolerate you after you steal what the Easter bunny gave them) and of course we hope that you enjoy egg hunting! 

a great revelation

Hey! We have great news!! The war is over! But that's not all the news we have. No way! We also escaped from our captors! It was a difficult task but we did it. We over came our couch potato-ness and ran away from the captors.

It turns out our captors weren't humans either. (We are sorry for the humans whose feelings we hurt. We really didn't mean too.) Our captors revealed themselves before the war. They turned out to be our enemy, the carrots!!

Our history with carrots goes way back, like way way way back. You see we, potatoes, lived in harmony with carrots. But one day when all these factories and homes and stores started popping up, the carrots tried to kick us out of our homes. They called us fat and said we took up to much soil. They told us this everyday. But they didn't stop there. Oh no. They decided that since we wouldn't leave our land they would try to kill us. They didn't exactly attack us directly. No sir/ma'am! The carrots started to steal our food supplies and energy sources. Our water, sun and nutrient sources disappeared within a month. Slowly we started to die off, however we didn't just sit there and take it (even if we really wanted too). We fought back and it was a terrible war. We lost many potatoes that day. And ever since then potatoes and carrots have been enemies.

The carrots are getting smarter. It's already risky living life with humans but the carrots made themselves a threat when they potato-napped us. Carrots are evil! And you can help us defeat them! Whenever you have carrots in your house, eat them and slowly decrease their populations. Be careful, they will most likely fight back.