Start the superman theme song

Guys, we can't keep this a secret from you anymore. What we are about to tell you is huge. Brace yourselves. Okay ready? *deep breathe* Potatoes are really superheroes. *Plugs ears* You may scream now. Oh you're not going to. Okay. *removes hands* We will tell you the whole story too.
So a long time ago, when the first potato was born, around the dinosaur age. It lived happily and peacefully. One day a meteor hit the Earth! The radiation from that flaming rock hit the potato, changing it's DNA. Now the potato has powers. Here's just a few...
THE POWER TO CHANGE:
You can cut, mash, skin, boil, etc and the potato will adapt to these factors. You can't kill them so they help you.
THE POWER TO FIGHT HUNGER:
This is probably their best power. This power comes in 2 steps. First the potato will change and once it enters your stomach it changes back into a whole potato, with a cape and everything. It fights off its villain HUNGRY HIPPO and makes you feel full. Pretty cool if you ask me.
POWER OF CAMOUFLAGE:
When it comes to hiding from evil and enforcing surprise attacks, potatoes are the most skilled. They easily blend in with their surroundings and always succeed with their attacks. Their brown colour helps hide them in the dirt, boxes and dark places. (There might be a potato watching you now and you wouldn't know).
THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY:
If you ever have no power, don't get scared just use a potato. If you stick the plug into a potato it will provide power to whatever device you are using. This is the potatoes weakest power because when they over use this power they end up cooking themselves and go through a forced change which they can't undo.
POTATOES HAVE SUPER STRENGTH:
Trapped in a room? No problem. A potato will help you. Take the potato and either:
A) Throw it at a window and the window will burst
B) Throw it at your captors. They will fall unconscious.
C) Throw it at the door/wall the break them so you can escape.
However before throwing make sure the potato is fully rested and fed. They don't work well when tired and hungry. Also they won't work well under pressure. So be careful.
Those are some of the many powers of a potato. I suggest you be careful. Potatoes are very sneaky and they could be pulling an Edward Cullen and watching you sleep. (In case you don't know what pulling an Edward Cullen is, it's when you are a sparkly being and you creep into people's houses and watch them sleep. Potatoes do this but they don't sparkle unless they apply the body mist.)
We are sorry we couldn't keep our mouths shut. We tried, we really did. But we couldn't keep it in any longer. Don't treat the potatoes any differently or else they'll know we told you. We weren't suppose to tell anyone. If you get in trouble with the potatoes we are so sorry.