we're actually carrots in disguise we're sorry

Haha we're just kidding.
We would never ever be carrots. 
We hope that does not arouse any suspicion about our identity.
We just decided that in honour of almost April Fool's Day it's time for a pathetic joke :D 

SOOOOO ANYWAYS...we don' t know about you but  we're very busy (YAY FOR NOT BEING A COUCH POTATO) getting ready for Easter! We celebrate this every year and it is a very special event for many of us potatoes, of course not all of us celebrate this event, although the majority of those in our little community do. Time flies by so fast(like potatoes on a jetpack) when so many preparations have to be made! It can get quite frustrating but we try to keep as calm as we can after all the last super duper frustrated potato turned into a half cabbage half horse being (don't worry we'll tell you about that when you're ready to face it). On the bright side, planning for Easter wasn't made difficult by the carrots since we haven't heard from them yet, our guess is that they've either been also getting ready for Easter or they've been working very hard on a plan to destroy us potatoes... hopefully it's because of our first suspicion. Anyway, we're quite exhausted from today's work so we'll converse (you know you love that fancy word) with you again soon (we know you just can't stay away from us for too long ;) ) ! Happy Easter! We hope you spend lots of time with your loved ones (remember they're the only people who will still tolerate you after you steal what the Easter bunny gave them) and of course we hope that you enjoy egg hunting! 

a great revelation

Hey! We have great news!! The war is over! But that's not all the news we have. No way! We also escaped from our captors! It was a difficult task but we did it. We over came our couch potato-ness and ran away from the captors.

It turns out our captors weren't humans either. (We are sorry for the humans whose feelings we hurt. We really didn't mean too.) Our captors revealed themselves before the war. They turned out to be our enemy, the carrots!!

Our history with carrots goes way back, like way way way back. You see we, potatoes, lived in harmony with carrots. But one day when all these factories and homes and stores started popping up, the carrots tried to kick us out of our homes. They called us fat and said we took up to much soil. They told us this everyday. But they didn't stop there. Oh no. They decided that since we wouldn't leave our land they would try to kill us. They didn't exactly attack us directly. No sir/ma'am! The carrots started to steal our food supplies and energy sources. Our water, sun and nutrient sources disappeared within a month. Slowly we started to die off, however we didn't just sit there and take it (even if we really wanted too). We fought back and it was a terrible war. We lost many potatoes that day. And ever since then potatoes and carrots have been enemies.

The carrots are getting smarter. It's already risky living life with humans but the carrots made themselves a threat when they potato-napped us. Carrots are evil! And you can help us defeat them! Whenever you have carrots in your house, eat them and slowly decrease their populations. Be careful, they will most likely fight back.

At war

As you may have heard, we are currently in a war with the humans. We try to blend in, we really do, but it's hard. We mean, the humans we live with have a strong hatred towards potatoes, hence all the cruel things they do to them (view Struggles of a Potato).

However, since we both are a rare breed of human and potato, the humans have captured us. We are waiting for a perfect time to strike. We need to save the potato race if we want to continue having potatoes in our lives *cough*meals*cough*.

So while we are trapped and waiting for our time to strike, our captors are trying to bribe us with a lifetime supply of potato sacks(or whatever you want) and when that didn't work they tried to blackmail us with the lives of potatoes. Sadly they don't know what we do and that really sucks for them( this sentence confuses me...) We know the potatoes who they have captive will die to serve their kind and they trust us to keep the potatoes' secrets hidden from the humans. Their survival depends on us. We have been also poked with forks, had butter and salt put on us. We were wondering what they were doing until one of the guys told us to eat ourselves. Giving them a weird look and trying to bite ourselves without causing pain was strange. They think they can run their silly tests on us. Pffft these captors are really dumb.

You may be wondering how we are posting this. Well the humans allowed us to keep our phones. They don't have service here and thought we won't be able to communicate with anyone but there is WIFI. We aren't sure if they know this or not but it's all good. Hopefully we can continue this while we await our escape or rescue.

Stay strong potatoes, stay strong.

CALLING ALL POTATOES!

this is a message to our fellow potatoes out there!
we need help!
there's a war going on between the potatoes & the humans & since we're half potatoes-half humans the humans kidnapped us in order to find out the secrets of the potatoes because we're easier to capture than the full potatoes since they know how a human mind works!
we truly are sorry for the delay in our blob but it's too difficult & dangerous to communicate with you right now!
we'll be back as soon as we escape this war so please, please come to our rescue!

Potato-istic classes

You know how humans are divides into social classes? Well, potatoes have those too. There are also upper, middle, and lower classes of potatoes. We are going to tell you about these in hopes that you will be more informed about the lives of potatoes.

Upper Class Potatoes:
These potatoes are the most elegant and sophisticated potatoes that you will ever meet. They are raised in private farms with rich soil and are cared of using only the best and most expensive machinery. These upper class potatoes are sold for a very high price and you will never see a bruise on them for they are of such high quality that they are made sure to be perfect.

Middle Class Potatoes:
These potatoes are your average potatoes. They are frequently used in fast food restaurants and are the most commonly bought potatoes for they are of decent quality and of reasonable price. Most potatoes fit in under this class.

Lower Class Potatoes:
There are very, very few of these kinds of potatoes. They are usually rotten, bruised, and ignored or even worse, thrown away by humans. These are the potatoes that did not receive enough nutrients while growing up because the humans did not take enough time to notice and care for them or the other potatoes stole nutrients away from them (aka the rebels). They have tried to raise awareness for potato equality but unfortunately, there are so little of them that even other potatoes disregard them.

We hope that you are able to relate and even grow closer to the potatoes.

Driving vs Flying Potatoes

For those of you wondering if potatoes are dangerous creatures, the answer is no. Well, unless they are driving or flying. But which is more dangerous: flying potatoes or driving potatoes?

Flying potatoes are dangerous to a certain point. If the potato is only playing superhero, then he may jump off the couch or kitchen counter and the worst case scenario is that he might become a bruised potato. But if the potato is flying a plane that's another story. When a potato is flying a plane we suggest you run for your life or take cover. Potatoes aren't good at flying planes. It's all because they panic when they aren't touching the ground. But you can trust them when they are being launched...most of the time.

On the other hand a potato that's driving is quite dangerous too. When potatoes drive they tend to just throw a brick onto the gas pedal and just start driving. They run red lights and they never stop; well they stop...when they crash into something. They can't control the way that they are heading 'cause most of them don't have arms.

When you are on the road, we suggest that you watch the air and the road behind and ahead of you. Potatoes are very dare devilish so they will try to do outrageous things. So keep an eye out when you are travelling. Actually watch out all day and every day.

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We are sorry if we brought paranoia upon you

TOP SECRET INFORMATION.

Hey. . .we have a secret. . .but you cannot, you absolutely CANNOT tell anyone about this. . .

 

 

So. . .we kind of know the best ways to cook a potato and we're going to share them with you. . .

 

 

But as I said before, you CANNOT tell anyone! Because who knows what kinds of trouble we'll get into when others find out that we enjoy eating our own kind. . .

 

 

Now that we have a clear understanding of each other, it's time to tell you the two best ways to cook a potato! Oh and please, please, make sure that you wear proper mittens and goggles as well as adult supervision during this process because cooking can be quite dangerous.

 

 

Method #1: Baking a Potato (after all who doesn't love a classic baked potato)

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F/150 degrees C ( this will ensure that the potato will be fully cooked and will not fight you on the way to your mouth)

Step 2: Wash the potato (even though we potatoes are quite hygenic there are those few who don't take care of themselves so well and eating them can make you sick)

Step 3: Rub the potato with olive oil and salt (at least pamper the potato before you do cruel things to it)

Step 4: Place the potato in the oven until it is soft and a golden brown in colour (that's when it's safest to eat)

Step 5: Slice the potato down the centre and add butter, black pepper, and shredded cheese over it (now this step is for you, this is how you get the potato to its highest yummy potential)

 

 

Method #2: Making a Poutine (because who doesn't love potatoes as convenient little sticks)

P.S. this method has similarities as the first so some steps will not be explained

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F/ 218 degrees C

Step 2: Wash the potato

Step 3: Cut the potato into strips (whatever size you want, this is your time to shine and be creative)

Step 4: Scatter potato strips on a tray and place in oven until golden brown then flip and wait until this side turns golden brown (you have to make sure that both sides are the same colour because if you dont then you're rude and no one likes rude people)

Step 5: Take potato strips out of oven, place in a bowl and pour poutine sauce and cheese curds on top (this dresses up the potato so it will look extra fancy, like us, and this also benefits you for it is super yummy)

 

 

So we hope that you try these potato cooking methods and remember. . . THIS IS A SECRET. SO SHHH. OR ELSE YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF TURNED INTO A MASHED POTATO WHEN YOU WAKE UP. 

 

P.S. the last part about turning you into a mashed potato was joke, we're not cruel, we just want to make sure that you can keep a secret

Stereotypes

This blob is inspired by our religion assignment. We had to write a poem on the stereotypes of our culture. We decided to make one on potatoes.

We all don't live underground

Living above is much prefered.

Potatoes may need water, sunlight and fertilizer,

But I would prefer to have some "human" food.

No we aren't only white

We also come in red and yellow.

Couch potatoes aren't lazy,

They can power up your alarm without breaking a sweat.

Potatoes are so much more than chips and fries,

They can also be added to the side of your dish,

or even star in a soup or pie.

Potatoes are independent,

They don't need gravy or ketchup to taste better.

In science, potatoes are making discoveries,

as they are a great power source.

Don't think that they are boring,

Because potatoes are used in all sorts of arts and crafts.

And don't forget the hot potato game!

Potatoes are loved so much,

there is a song about how hot they are. (hot potato by The Wiggles)

If you respect us,

We will be such sweet potatoes to you

Ta-da! Thank you for spending who knows how long reading this.

If you like us go to facebook and like us up :) (search Cambriela Potato)

If you haven't noticed we post every Wednesday and either Saturday or Sunday. We shall see you on the weekend!!

Earthly Views

Dedicated to Brandon (Boo) for the topic idea.

Everyone has a different view on life but how different is the view from a potato and a human? Cambriela* expand on this topic.

HUMAN VIEW
Have you ever just stopped to really look at the world? Well I sure have and here are my thoughts on the world we all live in.

The Earth is a pretty strange thing if you think about it, but then again, if you think about something long enough it’s going to end up seeming really strange, like saying your name a bunch of times or after much thought realizing that cupcakes are just muffins that try too hard. Anyway, back to Earth, have you ever thought that we shouldn’t fear volcanoes but instead understand and take care of it because it’s really just a mountain with a bad, bad case of hiccups? OH and also don’t fear hail! Because they’re just really, really frozen meatballs that fall from the sky! You just have to be really precise when putting it in the oven for the right time and right temperature and then you’ll have a delicious dinner! So please, don’t think that hail is a nuisance, we’re being fed but we just need to understand that we have to work hard for food too. Speaking of food, I just love jelly! And for the longest time I could have sworn that they came from jellyfishes but after a certain incident that you don’t need to know about, I found out that they don’t produce jelly nor should you try and eat them. So always remember to ask your mommy or daddy or science teacher or grocery store cashier about food instead of making assumptions. OH MY LOOK AT THE TIME I SHOULD BE GOING. BYE.

ONE LAST THING THOUGH. The world is filled with people and some can be very mean. Here’s a suggestion, when lending money, take into account whether or not the person you’re lending the money to is a geologist because they happen to believe that a million years is recent so that money of yours might take a while to be returned. Trust me I would know.

IF IT’S STATED ON A SHIRT THEN IT MUST BE TRUE.
(Look at shirt at the end)


POTATO VIEW

Have you ever wondered how a potato sees the world? No? Well now you are.

The potato thinks that the world is just a rock that floats in the middle of no where. There is a Sun and Moon that take turns dancing in the sky. There's only water and soil on this floating rock.
I asked a potato once if they would like to raise a family above the ground. Their reply was no because they didn't want to expose their children to all the death that happens of their kind up there.
Potatoes see the world differently than we do. But that's only because they were raised in fear and never want see what happens to their kind above ground. Sure they go through it too but they go through it when they are old and have little or no fight left in them.
They believe the world is a dark place where there are no happy endings. It's only death up here in their eyes. There is a rumor though, that there are good humans out there, humans who actually idolize potatoes and even take love and care of them, even dress them up. However, the elder potatoes always tell them that this is a lie, all humans are greedy and hungry for potatoes, they only act kind to gain their trust and eat them later on. The elder potatoes also go against being dressed for it takes away the meaning of being a potato.

If you were a potato like us you would live in fear of being harvested and killed. Good thing we are also part human.